i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
