That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance