Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?