Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.