i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
