can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
