I think I died a long time ago.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
