she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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