How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
