and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
