shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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