You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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