I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
