i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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