so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
