You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
