I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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