She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
