Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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