I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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