She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
