So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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