Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
