Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
