She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
