Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
