so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
