Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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