Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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