the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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