Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?