YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that