Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
