Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
