smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
