I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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