On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
