Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
