i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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