All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
