I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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