Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
