I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
