also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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