So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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