Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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