I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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