oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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