Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
