a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
