oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
