The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
