we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No subtext here. People are naked.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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