I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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