when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
