I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
