Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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