***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
