My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
