we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
