everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
