the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
