When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
