he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
