if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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