between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
